Dear JCPenney and Hulu,

JCP, I will address you first. You think that your "fair and square" ad campaign is fantastic enough to hire Ellen Degeneres to tout it. But who did you pay to come up with this? I'd like to have a chat with him or her. Because it sucks. On what planet does it make sense to stop having coupons in order to draw customers in? Not mine. I get that simple is better and that less is more. But when it comes to money, more people these days are figuring out that less is less. This means coupons and doorbusters are a help, not a hindrance. Ellen is cute and funny, but I'd rather have coupons.

Hulu, I don't even know what to do with you. You know I was incredulous a couple years ago when I heard the rumors that you would soon begin charging people to watch TV online (the nerve!), but by the time it happened, I was only a little shocked. I guess by then I had grown used to the idea. But now you've struck a low blow: offering an app on my Wii for the same price as Netflix, so I can miss Glee and still watch it the next day on my big screen TV instead of on my little laptop? Damn you, Hulu. I just might cave.