How to be a person...

...when 50 Shades of Grey is a cultural phenomenon.
What is a teacher? Only a certified adult with subject-area competency, standing behind a podium, molding young minds?

Or is a teacher any person or thing from which a lesson can be learned? Must learning be consciously, intentionally attained, or can learning happen bit by bit, as you wake and as you sleep, as you walk and as you rest?

What becomes of a society, or a person, accustomed to passive intake of information, largely if not completely devoid of precious critical thought?

Does that society, that person, dry up like a raisin in the sun?

Or does it continue to mindlessly consume purportedly harmless, indulgent housewife erotica, catapulting hurtful, dangerous subject matter onto the New York Times Bestseller list, all the while its relational core deteriorates silently, helpless to mend itself?

What is going on, really, when such an unhealthy, codependent, abusive relationship captures the attention of a nation and soars to high heights of financial success?

Are we a society asleep? Are we a society apathetic? Are we a society innocently unaware? Are we paying attention at all?

The following are fifty reasons - some funny, some serious, all legit - that I will #not see or read 50 Shades of Grey.

50 Shades of...No.
49 Shades of...Hide ya kids
48 Shades of...Hide ya wife
47 Shades of...Ain't nobody got time for that
46 Shades of...#nothappening
45 Shades of...Dysfunction
44 Shades of...Misogyny
43 Shades of...Wrong
42 Shades of...Leave. Anastasia. Alone!
41 Shades of...Crazy in something...but it ain't love
40 Shades of...Hell to the no
39 Shades of...Miss me with that ish
38 Shades of...Wtf
37 Shades of...Wtactualf
36 Shades of...Mr. Grey will *not* see me now
35 Shades of...No he didn't
34 Shades of...Don't let the doorknob hit ya...
33 Shades of...Not today
32 Shades of...Not tomorrow either
31 Shades of...No you may not
30 Shades of...Bye Felicia
29 Shades of...If loving Christian Grey is wrong, I don't wanna be wrong
28 Shades of...You can't handle the truth!
27 Shades of...#hotandspicymess
26 Shades of...#notflawless
25 Shades of...#beydidnotwakeuplikedis
24 Shades of...Twifan fic
23 Shades of...Even left shark can see this is wrong
22 Shades of...I knew this book was trouble when it walked in...
21 Shades of...Anastasia needs to #runlikeagirl
20 Shades of...Shenanigans
19 Shades of...Tomfoolery
18 Shades of...I'mma let you finish... but I am not gonna be a part of that
17 Shades of...Do *not* eat this book
16 Shades of...Good luck with that
15 Shades of...If you see something, say something
14 Shades of...Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me...
13 Shades of......so help me. so help me, it's true!
12 Shades of...Emotional abuse
11 Shades of...Manipulation
10 Shades of...I'd rather build a snowman
9 Shades of...Love should be an open door, not an abusive relationship
8 Shades of...Mr. Grey is not just a bit of a fixer-upper
7 Shades of...Anastasia shoulda ended up Grey's ex-girlfriend
6 Shades of...Cray
5 Shades of...I wish there was an app to make this book go away
4 Shades of...Self-Loathing
3 Shades of...Some books are better left unread
2 Shades of...Sssssssshhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddeeeee
1 Shades of...Anastasia, girl, you don't have to try