Surreal

Friday, my sophomores and I spent close to half the given class periods comparing our lives to something else with the idea that we would be giving advice to people younger than we.

One student wrote that his life was like the rain's coming and going because of how often people drifted in and out of his life. My heart broke.

Another student wrote that her life was like a broken glass. No explanation needed. My heart broke again.

I wrote several analogies on my 5x7 index card. One comparison was to the life of a goldfish: In the same way that goldfish sometimes go belly up but aren't dead, many times I think I am going through such hard times that there's no way I can survive, and then I do. Another analogy I made was to Jacob wrestling the angel for a blessing. (You can imagine how many heads that went straight over.) And I wrote about my life being like a reality TV show. So much of my life has felt unreal, like I was living life through a veil (like reality TV).

How, you ask? Good question. In the last two weeks, I have found out I was pregnant, miscarried, and found out my grandmother has the most treatable form of lukemia. In the midst of this, I have striven to find purpose and meaning and I've questioned whether my given name was meant to be Job and Mama rebelled against God by naming me Querida. And people say it's okay to question God, but I'm pretty sure I'm not prepared to hear Him say to me what He said to Job: Where were you when I created the heavens?

Talk about wrestling for a blessing. Yeesh, and I'm pretty sure my life has only just begun.