I woke up and read from Micah. Then, I read a chapter from The Power of a Praying Wife. Pretty standard fare. No surprises here. Except that upon reading the first prayer out of that book, I lost it and began to cry and cry and cry...
The prayer was about being the kind of wife my husband needs and being supportive, etc., and I thought about the kind of father Andrew will be and how two months ago, he was a father-to-be.
And I missed my baby.
So I cried.
I don't know why this is only just now catching up with me. Chalk it up to other various and sundry stresses in my life right now. In my heart, I believe my child is with God and in better hands than I could have given my child myself had I been afforded the opportunity to raise him or her.
I still cry for myself though. I hope that's okay.
4 comments:
Hey Querida,
Long time no see. I'm going to try to call you this weekend cuz I miss you.
*hug* I've known many a lady who has lost a babe or two or five...and whenever they talk about it, they always have a bit of pain. All I can do is say my prayers have been with you...
It is okay,Querida....if you'll permit an old lady (Ardith's mom) to comment her two cents.
We lost three babies in a row after our second child was born....the last being far enough along to recognize it was a boy.
Grieving is not the same as wallowing in self-pity. Grieving is necessary. (And crazy hormonal changes can certainly play a part)
It took a while to get to the point of not waking up each morning and having it hit me all over again.
I could tell you that we had eight healthy children after that (which we did)....but everyone's experience is different.
I will tell you this, having lost my father in February, I still get choked up at any ol' time. Sometimes I just feel like sobbing.
While I try to keep my feelings in check for the sake of everyday propriety, it is still plenty fresh, so sometimes the tears just come out of nowhere.
I think it will lessen, but my saying that cannot take away today's grief.
Even knowing someone is in heaven doesn't magically make you miss them any less.
I won't give you Bible verses and I won't tell you to get ahold of yourself. Just go ahead and cry sometimes, but know that it won't always be like this...
God bless you, Querida
Hi Querida
It's Kathryn, as in your cousin in-law. I'm so sorry, I didn't even know you were expecting.
I'll be praying for you that you can God's great big tapestry in all that has happen to you recently.
Say hi to Andrew for me and give him a big hug. I miss you guys.
Kathryn
Post a Comment