On a Journey to Quiet

I'm not sure I've given a straightforward reason why I'm fasting. Perhaps you've wondered; perhaps you haven't. Either way, I'll share.

At the beginning of last summer, the ladies at my church began a Bible study called "Connecting With God." Generally, I'd opt out of these studies because they did them in the middle of the day, but Andrew's work schedule and willingness to look after G allowed me to participate in this one. Week seven presented a unique challenge to me. Our assignment was to be quiet. We were just supposed to listen to the Lord.

Cue crickets chirping in the background, cartoonishly raised eyebrows on my face, laugh track.

The book told me that it was okay if I fell asleep - maybe that was what God wanted for me: to rest. But whatever happened, I was to experience silence for ten minutes each day. Interestingly enough (considering my last post), this chapter also focused on Elijah's journey into the wilderness, particularly God's presence in the sheer silence.

Since this was such a challenge for me - and something I really thought I ought to be better at - I made up my mind to work on becoming comfortable with silence, then seeking God in it. Then I had a baby. The house became distinctly *not* quiet.

But I've still felt like God wants me just to be with Him. Still, quiet, Him and me. So I gave up the things I usually turn to for solace when stressed out with the idea that I'd turn to Him - in silence - instead. And - wow- is He faithful. Today, as I sat quietly at my kitchen table (listening to Pandora), a Lauryn Hill song played that stopped me from checking emails and blogs because I just had to hear the words. They brought me to tears. Here are a few of them:

"Moving down the streams of my lifetime
Evaporating all of my fears
Baptizing me into complete submission
Dissolving my condition with his tears

He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years

"Coursing through my senses, he's prevailing
Floating through the space of my design
Drowning me to find my inside sailing
Drinking in the mainstream of his mind
Filling up the cup of my emotions
Spilling over into all I do
If I only I could get lost in his ocean
Surviving on the thought of loving you

He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years
He's just like the water, the water
I ain't felt this way in years

He's purging me
He's been cleaning me
And moving me around"

I am absolutely in awe of God's ability, and willingness, to wash me clean. And He just keeps calling me softly, longing for me to draw closer to Him. He wants me to seek him in solitude, and if the wilderness is where I find it, that's where He wants me to be.