Have you ever...

read a familiar Bible story but seen it in a new way? That happened to me earlier this week, when I resumed my chronological Bible reading timeline with the story of Jacob and Esau. As often as I've read that account before, it read differently to me this time, and it only got more soap-opera-ish as I proceeded to chapter 30, which finds Rachel fed up with her barrenness and jealous of her sister. I can picture the hissy fit she threw as she offered her maidservant to her husband so that she could bear children in Rachel's stead.

So what does Leah do? The same.

So after each of their (poor, willing-or-not-surrogate) handmaids bears Jacob sons, Rachel sets her eyes on Rueben's mandrakes. (Don't worry; this is not a euphemism for a wrong aunt-to-nephew desire. She really does want his mandrakes.) A quick Wikipedia perusal will tell you that mandrakes have long been associated with fertility. Leah's response? I'll break it down for you, soap opera-style. Be aware that I have taken some liberties with the text...

Rachel: Um, Leah, I know this is probably a lot to ask, but I see that Reuben's mandrake crop was plentiful this harvest. Could you ask him to bring some over for me? Thanks.

Leah: Excuse me? It's not enough that you have my husband's affections, but now you want me to give you my son's mandrakes too? Reuben, hold my earrings...and my weave!

Rachel: Whoah, calm down! All I want is mandrakes. I don't want to fight with you. If it's so important for you to have Jacob's "affection," you can have him tonight. Just give me some mandrakes first.

Leah: Oh, for reals? I can do that. Reuben, hand this basket to your auntie, and send your daddy this way when he gets home from work...

::Cue the sound of a baby crying nine months later, and it still isn't Rachel's womb that has yielded fruit::

People, is that a soap opera or what? Sometimes, reading how human these biblical characters were makes me laugh, and then I realize I can feel better about myself, cuz I'm only human too.