Honestly

I was a shy and quiet child. Most people who've only known me as an adult would balk at such a statement, but it's true. And sometimes I revert.

A lady in my BSF group said something hurtful to me recently, and I haven't dwelt on it, but I've held on to my hurt like it can protect me from the same thing happening again. And holding on to hurt is a sure way to become bitter and jaded, not healed and whole and ready to move forward.

I think the busy school year has kept me from posting here much during the last few months. But also I've wanted to share what I think are insightful revelations about what I'm learning in BSF. But I haven't because I'm petrified not of someone disagreeing with me but of tearing me and my faith down because I've come to an unorthodox understanding of a passage of Scripture.

I have an mind built for analysis (English major much?), but I realize that not everyone does. Some people are annoyed by those of us who analyze Scripture in order to understand it. They think it's disrespectful or offensive or pointless. After all, God said it. They believe it, and that settles it. While I don't dispute that statement, I feel like I need to understand something as thoroughly as I can before I can stand on it and proclaim it as my own belief and conviction.

And I enjoy that process. I like reading a verse and seeing what I didn't see before. I like learning about the people who lived during the time that book of the Bible was written, and learning the Hebrew or Greek words, their context, the culture in which they were spoken. To me, these things make the Bible live and breathe.

I spose I've said all this as a way of explaining my absence from blogging. I tend to clam up and crawl into my safe little hole in the ground when someone says something hurtful to me, as happened recently. I know that in time I will come back out and face the light of day.

Our MOPS verse of the year is from 2 Timothy: "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." (The translation from which our motto comes says the second half of the verse as "bold, loving, and sensible.")

I know that it is possible for me to be bold once again. But at the moment, I'm feeling a little timid.

Til next time, Honest Q