Friday, April 6, 2012

I haven't spent

much time today in somber, reflective thought like a good Episcopalian probably should. I have thanked God for His sacrifice and spent quality time with my family, enjoying Andrew's day off instead of cleaning, scrubbing, painting, and laundering it away. And somehow I think that still counts.

I've read most of one of Lauren Winner's books - Girl Meets God - at the suggestion of our pastor and friend, who has read and was impressed by Mudhouse Sabbath. A couple of years ago, I got this serious case of Jewish-people-envy. I felt like there must be so much more to the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, than Protestants such as myself could ever hope to grasp without viewing Scripture through the lens of Judaism. I was sharing my thoughts when Jim Watson introduced me to Ms. Winner's righting. And it was like-at-first-sentence. So when Tamryn linked me to a post on a blog she reads, I was pleasantly surprised to find it was a book review of a new book by Winner.

If I'm being honest - and why should I be? I mean, they don't call me Honest Q for nothin' - I took my time reading this brief post(and have yet to finish Winner's book as well), and I've purposely not spent much time reading Rachel Evans's blog because it's almost too much for me to hope for, that someone else asks the hard questions and doesn't always find the easy, pat answers sufficient, that there's a kindred out there who shares her feelings and doubts freely, who wants to know God deeply and not just settle for the quick answers and the commonly held interpretations of Scripture. It seems so rare to come across such a fellow deep thinker and Christian in life, that I stop just short of believing it's possible to connect with such a someone across the interwebs, in such a deep and personal way.

In related news, I revealed to Andrew this week that I've figured out I'm a bit like a turtle - hard protective shell, likely to withdraw into it at the first sign of trouble, a slow but deliberate mover, unlikely to bite or hurt others unless provoked but equally as unlikely to let my true and unprotected self hang out there for too long before withdrawing to make sure I remain protected. (I even sleep like a turtle, with the covers almost completely over my head...)

I've been trying to process a lot lately, trying to reconcile my sometimes-doubt with my ever-present faith in a God who's bigger than I can ever understand. I think Winner addresses some of the same issues in her newest book, linked above. And if I may leave you with a parting, Easter-tide thought: I often struggle with the idea of God's justice, trying to reconcile the wrath and anger of God in the OT as opposed to the grace and love given in the NT, and the thought occurred to me one day that if I cannot understand the gift of God's grace and sacrifice, how can I hope to understand His justice?

Just a thought. Happy Easter, peeps.

2 comments:

Rhonda said...

Here is my two cents. I don't think there is a seperation of wrath and grace from the New Testament and the Old. We see grace in God's dealings with so many of the Old Testament people. In the New, it was that very wrath we see played out on the cross. I think we see them all - grace, love, wrath and justice - woven into the entire thing. What I think many us struggle with is getting that a) we deserve the wrath and, once we realize that, b) He chose to love.

Bethany Bassett said...

I heart Rachel Held Evans, and I'll have to check out Winner's books too. (You know, I think God digs that you're a turtle just as much as he digs me as a hummingbird-earthworm mutt. I don't think we were ever meant to meet him on cookie-cutter one-size-fits-all paths.) Hugs.