... when old hurts may not be as old as previously thought

I am going to tell you something that surprised me. Yesterday, while mentally chiding myself for the umpteenth time for not maintaining a daily morning quiet time - for my own mental health, right view of myself as a child of God, and in general the good of all mankind - I realized I haven't had that practice as an uninterrupted part of my daily routine since I miscarried more than eight years ago.

This is not to say that I haven't had a relationship with God since that time. In fact, it's been quite the opposite: My view of God and His love for His children has grown, not shrunk. I feel that in the past three or four years especially, I've begun to be able to see a God who is larger than anyone's culture-driven interpretation of the Bible, political views, race, or doctrine. And this has happened due to my involvement in BSF. some very open conversations with dear family and friends, some blessed moments with loved ones wherein they found themselves finally able to share a struggle they hadn't before, and no small amount of personal prayer time, biblical study, and extra-biblical writing from Christian bloggers. (Most of this last group were women, but that's a post for another day.)

Back to yesterday: When it hit me that I had not had that idyllic, beginning-of-the-day reflective time every single day without ceasing since my pre-miscarriage days, a burden lifted. I don't know how healing happens for you, but for me, it is usually intentional, purposeful, and noticeable. This moment was none of those for me: it knocked me on my butt a bit. Who knew that inwardly I've been associating that daily quiet time with my painful experience from that many years ago? Not I.

I am unsure what shape my daily, routine time with God will take now that I have had this personal revelation. But I do know that He is the same from day to day, never threatened or surprised by my bruises, hurts, or scars. He has never failed me yet and won't start now. I am secure enough in my faith not to have all the answers to the hows, whys, and whens. I am not sure this is something that is said among Christians often enough. Instead, we tend to exhort/challenge/one-up each other in our misguided attempts to hold up the culture of American Christianity. I'd love to see us do more being there for each other with listening ears and open hearts, praying for each other without ceasing, and watching God's work unfold before us.

I hope this post somehow meets you exactly where you are today, and invites you into relationship with Him in a way you haven't felt invited before. Be open. Be real. Be you.

 - Honest Q