The Huxtables are my favorite TV family. Ever. They might only be second to my real-life family if I mixed my list of fictional and real family favorites. (Btw, those wacky Gilmore girls and the Modern Family crew are two and three on the fictional favorite families list, but I digress.) I've thought - even as an adult - that life in the Huxtable house would have been so much fun: a doctor for a father, a lawyer for a mother, and crazy, mad-cap kids always getting into some kind of mischief. And I've taken more than one note from the Huxtables' creativity in parenting: Remember the time Theo wanted to move out on his own, so his parents set up a real-life scenario? Remember the time they had a family mock trial to figure out if Theo was lying, and Cockroach was his lawyer?
Good times.
Wouldn't it be great if Andrew's and my life looked like the Huxtables'? (minus three kids) Well, I've been thinking a lot lately - and talking to God (and listening) - about what works for our family. Maybe the second kid does the trick: He flipped the switch from Andrew and me being a married couple that happened to have a kid to a family of four, not to mention the two cats, the dog, and the minivan... What I've concluded is that the time we spend together means more than almost anything else. Even if we're not sitting down to a properly set table in an immaculately clean house, it's immensely important that our boys know our family comes first. Such an environment will be the first place they learn relational skills, social skills, table manners, spiritual truths, and so many other priceless life lessons that will shape the young boys and men they become. Along with this, I've figured out that as the stay-at-home spouse in our particular equation, there is absolutely no monetary value that can adequately reimburse me for time I spend away from my boys. This isn't to say all I want to do - ever - is be with them. But it is to say that I'm done trying to divide my time between my family and my part-time job. I'll be happy to do any more freelance writing/editing work that comes along, if it fits into our schedule: writing absolutely feeds my soul, which is also of great importance to our family's health.
This a strange, new place for me. I am a self-confessed former feminist. (I was once the girl who concluded prayers with "A-woman," rather than "Amen." Betcha didn't know that, didja? But are you surprised? Probably not.) So it's been a strange and longish process for me to happily accept that what works for this family is a husband that works outside the home and a wife that does not. It seems a little old-fashioned, even for my taste. But what I'm learning is that what's important to God may not always make sense to the world (or even to me). And what I believe is important to God is doing the best job Andrew and I can in raising these precious boys He's given us.
This is where Lisa Whelchel comes in. Blair from "The Facts of Life" is now quite the prolific Christian writer. Last spring, I did a Bible study she wrote called, "Creative Correction." I was mainly interested in finding out ways not to spank my child. What I got from it was so much more than that. A lasting lesson I learned was from a chapter entitled, "Topsy Turvy Truths." It addresses the very unworldly nature of how people's lives should look when they follow Christ. It's a principle I've heard often and understood empirically; I've even rolled my eyes at the overuse of "in and not of." But now it makes sense to me in a very real way. Of course it's hard for me to place what I believe is a higher-than-monetary value on my time as a mother to these boys. And the teenager in the car next to me only sees a mom in a minivan. But what I know is that what I do now to invest in my boys' future will last long after my body is gone.
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